Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Viva la Vida

I get bored easily and that's whay I tend to make mistakes and do what I'm not supposed to. But, I cannot help it. I'm doing my best these days not to make mistakes and to make good decisions, but sometimes it is hard to be good all the time. For some, it's impossible.

If necessary, I can pretend that I don't care or that I am not interested about what people think of me. But, most of the time I find myself so worried about the same thing. I cannot allow myself to do this or that because someone may think I am not as good as they thought I was.

And that's my main problem. I am worried about something that I cannot control. Suppresing my real person for somone that I don't even care about too much.
Gotta get ou of those thoughts and live ... :D

Love, Susan

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Sometimes, invisibility would be great...

Not only that I got myself into trouble, now I don't know how to get out of it. I am afraid that if I don't stop this right now, it will be too late. I don't want to end up empty handed and alone. Because that is what you get when you're sitting on two chairs. At least, that's what they say.

I can now only hope that I am doing right thing, and that I will be able to chose wisely this time. Maybe I could let my brain help my heart this time and do what's best for me in long term. Not to get all excited and do something in a spur of a moment.

The only thing I can do now is to think and wait. Well, I am so good in waiting, that's for sure

Love, Susan

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

No way to live

Everything has changed. I cannot say how it will end and what effect will have on all of us, but I hope it will end up good. Otherwise, I don't think I will be able to handle everything. Too much of all these things might just make me go crazy... I wish it was all so easy. I wish he would come back, so that we can see if this can work. Now, I am just stucked here. I am not moving forward and I certainly don't want to go back.

And that's no way to live......

Love, Susan

Thursday, 4 June 2009

So confused

If I knew what I am doing I would be the luckiest girl in the world. UNfortunately, I am as stupid as I can be, and I am not just saying that, I really mean it. I mean, I tell him one thing and than tonight I tried completely other... So stupid and so not me. I shouldn't be doing this kind of things, at least not until I find everything about my future. Tha is even more confusing. WHat will happen, will it happen, I have no idea about anything actualy.

It seams that I am trapped here, in this moment in time and I have no idea wheter I will have any progress or I will be stuck here for the next 20-30 years.

I wish I could just take one glimpse in a future, just to see waht may happen. Than I might stop doing stupid things and start acting more adult and rational. This is just not the way I am used to see myself.

But all this talk will be for nothing if I am not happy. Right now, I don't think I am. And that is what scares me the most....

Love, Susan